I'm a Woman and I do what I do

I think alot of people I deal with don't realize how sensitive I am.  I always have this tough exterior but I'm so sensitive on the inside.  It sucks and I hate that about me, I just wish I could be cold hearted like others and not care. 
I've come to the conclusion that people who are cold hearted have experienced years of let downs and disappointments that they have just become immune to everything, the worst is always expected.  At times I admire people like them, because it has to be somewhat of a luxury to go through life without being effected by shit and void of emotion or feelings...whereas I'm living life with deep emotions and burdened with caring for people & their well being.
Maybe I should consider myself lucky that I dont expect the worst out of people and that I do still see good in everyone...but that way of thinking is more of a handicap for me.

One thing about me is I need breaks/time.  If I'm mad at you, really feeling you, you hurt me, you excite me, shit...basically if I am feeling ANY type of extreme emotion and you are the cause of it, I take a break.  During the "break" I become distracted and ground myself back onto a comfortable playing field and then we can continue on.  I need these "breaks" because extreme emotions scare me, I like good feelings of extreme emotions but I know they cant last forever so I dont want them to last at all. 

So earlier, a friend told me something and it stung.  It stung because it was true.  It stung because they read a part of me that was not open to the public.  It stung because it was not their place to even speak of what they spoke of.  I felt extremely hurt & I guess they finally enjoyed seeing a reaction out of me and kept on going with it...I was mad and decided to take a "break" from them. We are just friends, but that break lasted a while.  This person did not apologize once.  I guess he wanted to wait it out and see how long it would take for me to come back around, and eventually I would've but not anytime soon.  He gave in first, but not with an apology, with flowers to my job. Flowers and gifts dont fix anything, they just are an offering of a truce and that is NOT an apology.  Words and understanding mean soo much more to me then lazy ways of trying to "fix" things.  I tell people all the time that I attatch myself to their words and our connection, not what they are able to pick up at the store.
But I suppose in this day and age, everyone is lazy.  If you have money its easier to get a girl some roses or a bracelet to shut her up, rather then to communicate with her and open up with her. 

At this point I'm just bored with everyone and everything, I feel like I've already read all these stories before and I know how all these books are going to end.  There's no suspense, no drama, no climax, no surprises.

I'm a woman and I do what I do & I feel like I've done it enough to know that something has to change.

Sorry this is just random and all over the place, lol its 2:00 am.  Writing is somewhat of a therapy for me, all these thoughts and ideas cloud my mind so I make it rain on here...and I become clearheaded again.

Im too lazy to look up the quote...Insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result...forgot who said it...but thats my life right now.